August 29, 2009

Playwright

Father
Thee may not hie thither.

Son 
But father, I pray to thee. Do not make me stay within this house. I must have my fun.

Father
Attend to my counsel. If thou dost go, it shall be thy woe. Mark my words my boy. If thou doth go to that house of plague, thou will come to harm.

Son
How shall I come to harm at an innocent party? There is no plague within that house. I know not of what you speak.

Father
I beg your pardon. I spied that boy at an opium den just last month. I would allow thee to hie, but I beseech thee, methinks such a party will bring bad tidings.

Son
That boy has been my friend since I was but a boy. Don't you remember when we wooed girls in the park together. He is not who you speak of.

Father
Soft! Who are you to lecture me on what is best for you. You know nothing of this world. I fought for you throughout your childhood. These boys are your foes. They are nought but woe and plague. I will dispatch thee with my long sword if you hie.

Son
I am an adult, father. Who are you to tell who my foes are.

Father
I order you to stay.

Son
But father...

Father
You cannot change my mind. Shut up you insolent boy.

Son
I will resolve to dispatch thee myself if you do not let me go thither.

Father
Sirrah! You will not talk to me in such a way. You will hither stay or die thither.

Son
Nay! For you are my plague and woe. You will hold me in this house no longer.

Father
I command you to stay hither.

Son
I will not attend to your petty quod.

Father
Do not call my house a prison. This is a place of peace.

Son
I pray of thee, father.

Father
I know what is best for you. You will only wither thither.

Son
I will have no more of this. Adieu!

The father lops his son's nob off.

5 comments:

John P. Bloch said...

Zounds! What a folio!

Of course, I think the line
"Father
Sirrah! You will not talk to me in such a way. You will hither stay or die thither."
would be better served ending in "thither die."

Lord Bloch said...

I agree with Mr. J. P. Bloch, the language could be more consistent with itself. Words like "party" etc.

Anonymous said...

It's supposed to be incongruous and anachronistic. It's a joking, funny, stupid scene.

Perhaps I should write "stay hither" too.

Lord Bloch said...

If there's one thing I learned from the two I.R. meetings I [actually] showed up to, it's that Mike Horan is not to be contradicted.

Paul K Gautier, Jr said...

I like the one about the opium den.